I am definitely going to have a lot to say on this subject over the course of your life, but let’s just start with the basics, okay?
I encourage you, advise you, BEG you to go to college right after high school. I didn’t, and it is definitely one of the biggest mistakes I have ever made in my life, and definitely one of my biggest regrets.
I didn’t like school. Well, I loved high school, I loved my friends, the social aspect, the extra-curricular activities (I was in marching band, not doing drugs out behind the soccer field FYI), but I didn’t love the actual learning process. I didn’t like the stress of deadlines, the homework that seemed so pointless, the tests that stressed me out so much… I was rebellious in that way, I guess. By the time I got to my junior year I pretty much knew that I didn’t want to go away to college because I just wanted to be done with having people – teachers – telling me what I had to do all the time. I also really hated that so many people, including myself at the time, based their self-worth on their grades. I just knew there was more to life than that.
It was ten years ago that I graduated from high school. I honestly don’t remember what my parents reactions were to me not wanting to go to college. I know one stipulation was that I had to keep a job if I were to stay living at home, which I did, I always had a job, always. I don’t remember if my mom was disappointed in me or not. I am sure she was later, I rebelled more later and I feel like at times she was not proud of me for the decisions I made, but I honestly cannot recall any particular conversation we had about this. I didn’t want to go to college and that was that.
Now here I am, 27 years old, and I’m about 1/5 of my way toward an associates degree at Three Rivers, the local community college. I am not proud that I waited this long to do this. I am not proud of the fact that my decision to go to school wasn’t for me, it was for you – it was so that I could (Hopefully) get a better paying job to give us a better life together. I am so far from my goals now, Elise, it seems like I might never get there but I keep on trying for you. Work five days a week, school two nights a week plus one online class, and you. The time I have to myself now is the time after you go to sleep, two or three hours a day to get homework done, to read, to write, to crochet, to watch TV and unwind. It’s a pretty hard life, kiddo, I’m not going to lie. I guess there is no way of knowing what would have become of me if I HAD gone to college – I know you definitely would not have come about, because I never would have met your dad. Who knows? At this point it isn’t worth speculating, it only hurts to do so.
But I missed not only the opportunity for the best education possible, I also missed the whole college experience! Living far from home in a dorm with hundreds of girls and/or boys that I don’t know and get to make friends with, exciting classes, knowledgeable professors, opportunities that I just don’t have now due to time constraints.. so much I missed, and I don’t want you to miss that.
When the time comes, there is no way I can or will force you to go to college, but I will encourage it, advise it, maybe beg you to do it. Maybe beg, I don’t know. But I do know without a doubt that if you go right out of high school you will have the best start at a productive adulthood. You will be more prepared for the “real world” than I was – the real world of adulthood, that is. You will have more opportunities, you will make more friends, you will feel so accomplished. And I will be so proud of you – your whole family will be. Trust me.
No pressure or anything.
Love,
Mommy